As ever, Apple warns of tragic consequences if we attempt to service, remove, or engage in polite conversation with the battery.

Warning, schmorning—you know how we feel about these labels.

First rule of disassembly: disconnect the power. There is no shock like forgetting where the power lies.

We pop off the battery connector, but that fancy new battery controller board ain't goin' nowhere.

Those little screws, they do nothing! The board hosts some tricky wires that are soldered and routed to hold it in place. This assembly is turning into a serious brain teaser.